Soul Eaters

Oh pit. 

I feel your warmth around me

as I lie here so afraid

all curled up in your shadow. 

They came for me, pit

with pitchforks and knives and

words that bite. 

Soul eaters. 

Am I a monster, pit? 

I feel that sometimes - 

the way my body just doesn't... 

just refuses to be what they say

is morally good. 

Am I evil just for existing, pit? 

Eddington In The Dark

The path is long, 

such that I can't see the end. 

It makes me scared, 

but also.. giddy, excited,

thrilled.

I'm glad you're here with me. 

It's inset with a thousand dim stars

that light the way and guide my steps. 

Though for all their glow, 

they sure don't make the cyclists 

see us any clearer. 

They don't steal the beauty of the pitch

black field either. 

My favourite part is after the turn

and we come to look upon the

distant suburb itself, all glowing

in its concrete horror. 

And to the south, 

cranes shine in crimson bright. 

And I love, 

the feel of the gravel beneath my feet

the chill of cold autumn air 

a shared joke, quick and snappy. 

We're all too cold and damp and tired to chat. 

And I love, 

the wilderness to our sides 

protected for science and for joy;

the wood we can't enter 

and the pond downhill

where ducks and geese conspire 

in the water reeds. 

And I love, 

the neon rings that hang in the air 

next to the U-bus we never take

(but always want to) 

and the cyberpunk hall. 

The only things I like in this dreadful town. 

And after we trudge there, 

fill our bags with sweets and beer and

food for half a week, at a stretch,

it's time to trudge back

and I love every second of it. 

King's Parade Of A Rainy Morning

It's a rainy day

and I'm feeling miserable. 

Wrapped up in my thin waterproof

and my thick college jumper. 

I can barely see through 

the droplets on my glasses. 

I don't want to go to lectures, 

but then, I never do. 

"Let's skip out," I say 

"and go have breakfast at King's", 

looking up at the old stone walls

and untouched grass

as we dawdle past. 

"Yes, let's," you say, with a grin

and then we keep on walking 

and turn down Bene't Street, away. 

The Lake On Mount Pleasant

How did it get there? 

A pool, not a puddle - 

metres wide, too much

to jump. 

We had to navigate around and

be splashed by

the passing cars uncaring. 

Why does it stay? 

Oh, how odd. 

I do love it, though. 

A Love Poem

I want to tell you I love you. 

I want to say it over and over

I love you, I love you, I love you. 

Til I'm crying. Overflown.

But you wouldn't understand. 

Conjured images of 

intimacy and abandon. 

As if I've dedicated 

Myself to you. 

But it's not - 

I don't want that.

I have all these feelings 

So big and so much. 

How I appreciate you and 

How you brighten my day and

Make me laugh and smile and

Make me feel alright again. 

And I don't have the words for that. 

I was never taught them. 

All these familiar trappings 

I find myself stuck within;

Misleading and deceiving 

They twist my words. 

Make it something it's not. 

These aesthetics, they've weasled

Inside my mind, made me obsessed. 

Made it hard to see and express

The way I am, 

Outside the paradigm. 

And yet, 

I love you, 

So much and

Thank you...

Thank you for being there

And for being my friend. 

It was all I ever needed. 

A Walking Sonnet

The lake so wide upon the mount's short peak

and hill, or mound; that ancient strength long spent

where lords once sat, to rule on tallest seat

unseen; us lost to talk, in our descent. 

Or bridge, the Cam to cross, at mountain's end

Mary's old scholar Lodge; or its named way. 

Walking high above boats that punters tend

To take tourists along the town's fairways  

The passage of two names, to widen out 

Cobble and stone; a grandeur that I hate. 

That place, I try always to mess about;

Brighten the mood, then quicken, don't be late. 

O Duroliponte, your concrete heart

These bare stone steps, all your broken old parts. 

Each And Every Star

Oh, my dear, my darling

Come close, I'll keep you safe. 

No need to fear. 

You've spent too many sleepless nights 

Wondering what's there and what's next 

The whole world bundled up tight 

Close to bursting, packed 

Inside that head of yours. 

Come here, come close

I'll keep you warm;

A secure embrace. 

There's so much out there, little one.

More than any of us can comprehend. 

But you're young, aren't you 

You try anyway, destined to fail. 

Oh, I've been there child 

I know your pain, I know

This awful loss you feel. 

There's no control for us I fear, 

Trapped in the tide coming in and going out 

So let me tell you a secret. 

We fear it all cause there's too much to know

So, so much, it's not worth trying to grasp it all;

But you can reach out, you can feel some. 

Hold a flower, feel the river flowing past

Calm, detached, full of wonder

That's the world too.

And it's okay to be afraid;

And it's okay to seek shelter

From such a great and terrible storm. 

The storm is part of us, I think. 

Part of our souls, if those exist. 

I can feel it, in my heart and in my bones. 

The storm comes - the rain of anguish, 

Thundering shouts and wicked lightning strikes

And I can feel it in me;

Deep, reflected. 

Like all this suffering and fear, 

All a part of me too. 

And when I was a little older than you,

I slipped down to the sea

at the mouth of a great river

to watch the waves wash against 

the sand and stone and concrete;

Feel its coolness against

The tips of my fingers - 

So tiny against the backdrop of all. 

Oh, I've seen waves so tall they crest sea walls, 

Ten metres or more, pushing over, 

Covering the land with water, 

Salt and air - streets filled with sea. 

The ocean is so great and vast 

And so weak and small as to slip 

Between my fingers on a hot summer day, 

When no tide can stop me. 

I've lived by seas and by rivers 

By ancient fens and ancient flows 

Water is all I - all you - are. 

What I drink and what I eat

And what I sweat and piss and breathe. 

Part of this system so old, so timeless. 

And the Earth, well, she precedes us all. 

Her tides and molten heart

And Her trees and beasts that

Walk and eat and build. 

And before Her, the stars, 

Older than we can imagine. 

The Earth in all Her majesty, 

Just scattered parts of once great wholes;

It, like us all, children of the cosmos. 

Nothing but star stuff. 

And you feel it, right? 

Feel the beingness in your heart - 

Aching, consuming, twisting. 

It comforts me, anyway. 

When all I've said and done is past 

When the reaper comes all dressed in black 

And holds my hand, so kind

To walk, passing into the abyss 

Leaving but my being behind. 

That precious thing;

To feed the worms and feed the sun

Once before and now again, dust - 

Fragments of the universe. 

And that's me out there, part of me

And what comes next, that's me too. 

There, shining so bright, millenia away;

All of them, that's me - and you

Each and every star. 

Oh child, 

See the rain out the window,

Listen to its sounds. 

I'll rock you to sleep, don't fret. 

You're safe, secure. 

Nothing can hurt you here. 

Last Breath (redux)

As fists upon a bed of grass,

Fell heaven's hateful shards of glass;

Anguished cries and flashes so bright 

(tremble trees in terrible fright). 

A hunter crouched - bright blade drawn out, 

And with it cut, precise, no doubt. 

Out first the gut (laid on the ground), 

The heart and flesh making no sound. 

Spear the lung to mirror disgust, 

Then roast upon this flame he's struck

Only to cry at least defeat 

As cold draws out each breath of heat. 

Then forced within this cloak of skin

To lie awake, regret his sins

And cast his name into the breeze - 

At last it comes, his death he sees. 

Afraid he goes, the man now conquered 

And the wind blows forth, ever onward. 

A Prayer For The Darkness

O deep pit,

Swallow whole the offerings of my soul

That I have laid before you 

O consume me, deep darkness, consume me

O twisted pit, 

Steal fast the secrets I hold and the stories I hide 

And know the vast shadow within me

O consume me, twisted thing, consume me

O wicked pit, 

Corrupt my heart and my mind with your wretched words 

Which sow the seeds of chaos 

O consume me, wicked whisperer, consume me

O hungry pit, 

Devour the food I give, the lost relics and remnants

These most precious parts of myself

O consume me, hungry hollow, consume me

O you ancient, nameless horrors

O deep darkness, swallow me

O twisted thing, steal me 

O wicked whisperer, corrupt me

O hungry hollow, devour me

O creatures of the abyss, consume me all and make me whole