booster

cw: suicide

i spent dawn awake

lying in bed thinking of you

astrobrite playing on my shitty,

crappy phone speakers

    tinny, scratching

       

        scott cortez makes me wanna cry

i’ll tell you one day, i’m sure

sitting on my window sill on the third floor

wondering if it opens wide

enough for me to squeeze through

how it’ll feel when i hit the floor

how long it’ll take for me to die 

            for the gardeners to find my body

or some unlucky undergrad walking home

you’ll never know how often i’ve stopped

over these metal railings and stared

    into the depths

    and wanted to climb over and let

    this sack of meat hit the floor

    blood on steel

    supercrush my soul

dawn comes like a potent doom

    wind, flow, mood low

    the world’s scream

i’ll survive this night

    and the next

        and the next

but i’ll never escape

        deep wounds don’t heal

It

I can feel it

Just beyond my reach

Around the corner

I look about
But it is nowhere to be found

I can feel it pouncing

Grasping
Clawing

Nails outstretched

Stabbing in and holding there

I can feel it dragging me down

Pulling down so hard

It wants to bring me down
Reduce me to nothing

I cry out in pain

And no one sees

it there, clawing in further

I scream but I am silent

It feeds thereon

It wants more

Leaving me helpless

Defenseless

Motionless

I am still

I am calm

I am a storm

I am empty